Lori needs....

Okay so i was tagged by my best friend Candyce... so i have to do this LOL What I am supposed to do is go the Google search engine and typ in "[my name] needs" ( ie: Melissa needs) and put down the top ten in order. This ought to be fun... lets find out!

Lori needs... To Vent Aneurysm.( I knew i had something wrong upstair but i never thought it would be this

Lori needs... to solicit funds and donations from strangers to help Lori in obtaining a divorce from the man accused of killing her daughter. ( WTF????????????????????????)

Lori needs... needs to be aware of her own anger and how it’s affecting her ( ok this is really true!!)

Lori needs... Magic. ( yeah the magic that will make Candyce live next door!)

Lori needs... a gelato machine. ( yeah... like a whole in the head)

Lori needs... life. ( no joke... this is what it said.. TRUE and WEIRD!!)

Lori needs... a diet (actually it said angry diet - that sounds scary although true)

Lori needs... her own Blog name, because she wants to post something - and I don’t want my name associated with it in any way. ( sad... they don't like me! LOL )

Lori needs... to quit. ( quit what exactly??)

Lori needs... to find a hot straight man and a gay woman to date tonight! ( well that's a little interesting....)

There you go Candyce!! You are fired because you were not my #1 need in my search. Turns out i need a new brain!! GOSH!!!! HAHA i would tag you back but you have already done this... maybe i will tag my Dad. He reads this! HEY DAD!! Tag... your it!! Your turn :0) HAHAHA

New Edition

I wanted to share my newest edition of artwork with the world! A few years ago an idea popped into my head and I finally brought that idea to fruition. I wanted one footprint for each of my kids ( the originals off of their birth certificates mind you) ,mixed in with some stars and wind swirls, made into some form of art work. I decided on permanent art that i will carry with me everywhere I go for the rest of my life! I gathered up the birth certificates and took myself down to the tattoo shop where I presented my idea to the artist and let him have free range with it. Because I have super sensitive skin and i like to swell when i am scratched, or anything abrasive happens at the surface, or deeper to my skin, so i had to go through two sessions. This is the end of the first session. The footprints are finally there!!! Going from the top in a clockwise direction: Bryce, Hailee, Kaden and Kaleb :0) After two weeks of waiting and healing I was able to go back in and have the work finished. The artist added wind swirls. To me that represents how fast time flies by. You blink and the moment is gone, like leaves in the wind. The stars are representative of the far reaches of dreams I have for my kids. I absolutely LOVE my tattoo. It is not just a tattoo to me. It is a constant showcase of my love for my children. No matter how big they get, where they go in life, or what they do, they started within me and I will carry them through whatever comes our way. I want them and the world to know that they are my life. I love them more than I ever imagined a person could love. So in a sense this piece of art that will be carried with me for my entire life will be the conversation piece that will open the bragging rights porthole for me, as well as become a constant reminder for my kids of their mothers love for them. I am very pleased and more than proud for this to be a part of me, just as I am with my babies :0)

Complain Complain Complain

I have to empty my mind a bit before i can continue with homework and studying for my midterms, so i turn to my blog to spew words onto a forum of sorts that may or may not be read.

First off, i can not wait until school is done and over with. I have 2 months and 8 days left. Yes I am counting!! I am having the worst time in the world actually staying focused, not procrastinating, and i am tired of being spread so thin that i feel emotionally brittle. I just pray that all of this is going to be worth it in the end. If i don't make much out of it, even if I go nowhere, i know that I have set somewhat of an example for my kids about how important an education is, how important hard work is, and how you should always finish EVERYTHING you start. It would be excellent if they carried that with them into adulthood and through their entire lives.

Now off to rant about how i can't stand myself. I really hate the fact that I complain about stupid crap that I can do something about, but find it easier to sit and feel sorry for myself. Like the fact that I have very few friends, and it was "0" friends up until a few weeks ago. So naturally you would think that I would be happy that I have at least someone around to talk to and spend time with. Not so much. I still get upset because I am a social person. I need the stimulus of others, the conversation, and the occasional irresponsible behavior that adults still need to bring them back to reality. I suppose that once you have certain friends that you enjoy being around, they know you very well, you know them very well, you don't have to say a word to have a meaningful conversation, nothing really ever seems the same no matter whom you acquire as a friend. Don't take me wrong, I really love the people that are in my life, i would do anything for any of them, I just feel like part of my soul is missing. HAHAHA lets put it this way: What would YIN be without YANG? That's why i complain about that.
Another thing that I catch myself droning on about is not being able to do more with my husband and feeling that his "Bromance" is taking control of life in general. I really have a hard time with the fact that so much of the free time my husband has is spent with his friends away from home, sporadically napping, and glued to the T.V. As it stands I have Thursday and the occasional Saturday where i do not have anything going on as far as school, so I look forward to spending time with my family. I don't view that as a bad thing. However i have come to the realization that my Hubby works Monday through Thursday ( sometimes Friday), from 4 a.m. until 2:30 or 3 p.m.. I have school every Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday evening. I also have clinicals Friday and Sunday. So when Thursday night rolls around I am ready to spend time and relax for a minute, however that night has been dubbed as "Guys Night", so i get to spend that night alone with the kids while Hubby is gone. Then Friday I spend a huge part of the day gone at clinicals, and that night everyone is so tired from the rest of the week we usually fall asleep super early. Saturday is "BLAHHHH" day. Hubby watches T.V., I catch up on house chores, and the kids help out a little and play with their friends. Sunday is clinical day. And so on and so on. I just need more time. My kids are growing up to fast, time is flying by, and I seem to be in a constant state of fast forward. I miss my family and i miss my Hubby. I need a vacation alone with him so we can get to know each other again. I also need one with my kids so i can catch up and slow down so I can see what i have missed. Stinkin' time stealing away things that i love. :0(

Another "complaint" is my gosh darn weight. I rag on myself all of the time about how miserable i am, how fat i have gotten ( and keep getting), that i hate how my clothes fit, i hate my muffin top... and the list keeps going. No matter how much i complain and hate the way I look and how I have turned out physically, I never do anything about it. WAIT!!! I take that back, I eat more because it's easier to cover up feelings with food than it is to put the effort into losing the weight and potentially gaining happiness. I eat when i am bored, lonely, sad, upset, happy... i just eat to eat. I am really unhappy with myself about all of this, so much that I have stopped caring about the comments that people make about me, i just make them about myself instead. I suppose that way it doesn't hurt as bad when I say it as it does when someone else does. UGHHHHH!!! Damn it all to hell! I sit and complain, I know why I complain, I know I can change it and I don't. No one is at fault but myself and it stinks knowing that. I need to find a turning point and do a damn 360 degree come about. For now it is what it is guess. However that could be my excuses coming out.

UPDATES :0)

Ok, so it been a while since my last post, and it was about starting a diet. LOL yeah, starting a diet... i am the worlds worst procrastinator when it comes to things that have to do with will power. So i am struggling. I am having a hard time trying to find time for myself, my blog, my homework, my clinical, my friends, and most of my time is being driven toward my family right now. However there has been a few REALLY FANTASTIC updates!!!

1.) I have found out that Tayia is moving back SOON! I will no longer be alone in this FROZEN HELL HOLE! Tay will be flying out at the end of next week to take her State Board Exam for Cosmetology, and will be interviewing at several salons, as well as finding an apartment. It would be ten million times better if we were all moving somewhere warm and closer to the west side if the U.S. so i could have my Candyce too, but that is all in due time, and we are determined for that to happen someday.

2.) I have just filled out my Graduation application and it has been approved! Aside from the College moving their ceremony date from May 9 to May 12, i am really looking forward to being DONE with school. Hopefully all will go as planned and i will have my besties and my family to celebrate it with. Yay for the upcoming sigh of relief!

3.) I have finally gotten a NEW CAR! Yes, a car. Not a Mini Van! I have a Ford Five Hundred and i LOVE it. I am normally not a Ford girl, or a car girl for that, I LOVE me a truck, but I couldn't help but being surprised and really comfortable in that car. It's roomy, comfy, has a really good stereo and speakers, and it is a quick little biotch!! To top it off i got to buy American and that makes me UBER Happy!

4.) THE SNOW IS MELTING!!! I can actually see the grass, and i can actually go outside in just a hoody and be o.k.! It has been above "0" for 2 and 1/2 weeks now... YAY! I can feel spring coming and i can't wait! WOO HOO for fishing, camping, BBQ's, and sunshine!!!

5.) I have finally found some people that i really enjoy hanging out with. It only took a little over 3 years, but the wait was worth it. Dayna and William are amazing :0) They are the type of people that accept me for me and don't' expect anymore than that. So i can be a total moron, a cry baby, a goof, a tard, loud, quiet, sarcastic, voice my opinion, dance stupid, sing badly, pour my heart out, be intelligent, fart, burp, or just whatever and they are totally cool with it. Candyce and Tay are the only other 2 people EVER that have let me be me and have totally accepted it :0) I love my friends, they are family to me, and i wouldn't have it any other way! THANKS GUYS!!! LOVE YOU MORER THAN ANYTHING!!

6.) The twins are starting Kindergarten!! They are finally enrolled and ready for school in the Fall :0) I don;t know what i am going to do with all my babies in school, and it's really hard for me to imagine what it will be like with a quiet house during the day... may be i will sleep! That sounds nice :0) Maybe not, i am going to get a job! I need out of the house.

I guess that is it for now. I have to go wash dishes, and clean my house. It looks like it threw up on itself... ugh the joys of being a Domestic Diva!

Updates and upcoming Plans

Ok so this post is not going to be long at all. I am just updating on my "Diet Adventure", and it's not going as planned. I am having a hard time sticking to things, especially since i am always busy and going and trying to get my self through school. I need a magic pill that makes every thing taste bad, or maybe even good for you. UGHHHH STUPID FOOD! So my friends William and Dayna are taking me shopping this coming Friday. They have this funny idea that if i am confident in the way that i look right now, and feel good about the way i look i will be able to manage easier. I dunno about that, but William told me he is going to straight up "QUEER EYE MY A$$" and wants to get me off this kick that i have about my body being disgusting. He lives by this one mantra," We have one body, its all we get. So if we can't be comfortable in it because of fear that someone will talk about it... then you will never really live because someone will always have SOMETHING to say!" Which is so true. I just want to be healthy, and feeling good in my own skin is a major plus! After i go shopping i will have to take some pics of my new found STYLE and post them. Hopefull soon i can find my new found SKINNY and HEALTHY! Until then Dayna and William are going to help my find my outer "SEXY B!#@H". :0) Wish us luck ! LOL

Diet Day #1

So.... today is Diet Day #1!! Yeah that's right... i am about to bring my inner skinny B**ch out to play. :0) I hear on a daily basis that if i am not happy with myself to do something about it. Or "D**n, she is hot... look at her! Her body is Bangin!" Or "I think a size 4 is a good size. How small were you when we met?" or how about this " you have a belly, can you do the truffle shuffle?" Uh Huh... you guessed it. I am so tired of the fat jokes. I am tired of people expecting that kind of talk to be "motivation enough". The sad thing is, all of that comes from people that tell me they love me on a daily basis. But something better... my honey and best friend Candyce is dead set on the fact that she BELIEVES that I can lose the weight. She has become my motivator, my fat butt be gone coach if you will. She decided that i needed to be signed up with her for South Beach Diets, and so i am. We have decided to take before, during and after pictures to chronicle what i will call an "ADVENTURE". We are attempting to do this together from 1532 miles away from each other. This ought to be interesting. So to start off with i am going to detox my body for at least 3 days and then start the diet outlined for me on South Beach Diet. I need the will power to stick with it and not shove food down my throat to cover up emotions that i am feeling. Be prepared... this is going to a rough ride and i am taking you all with me. So there it is. Your fair warning. LOL I will keep you updated and if i am brave enough i will post pictures of progress on here as well. Any tips or exercises you may know of would be phenomenal!! Wish me luck cuz here i go....

In need of Adventure!!

Adventure. Not a word that i get to put into action very often in my life. Especially in these last few years. I have the most amazing family, and some of the best friends anyone could ask for ( however they live so far away that "adventure" is few and far between with them ), but here i sit. Waiting. Being so busy with school, house work, kids, hubby, family, running errands, getting ready to start clinicals, getting bills in order... and the list keeps going... i have kind of lost myself. Okay, not "kind of", I HAVE lost myself somewhere along the way. Pretty nuts to look back and see how 3 little years of your life can have a huge impact on how your life is at this day, at this time, in this very moment. Whew! Where did the time go? LOL

I really cannot wait for school to be over with. Not only because it will free up more than 70% of my time, but i will be able to say that i finished something besides my dinner :0) I never thought about how insane or hard getting back into school was going to be. And no one told me that Massage Therapy was so freaking hard! Seriously, there is so much more to it than what i had ever imagined ( for example: learning 360 + muscles along with there origin, insertion, action, nerve innervation, and fiber direction) that i am so glad to be at the home stretch!!! May 9, 2009. Yep, that would be the day that i can look back and, hopefully, say that it was all worth it. GRADUATION!! Only a few months away. I consider that day and adventure. One that i am very much looking forward to. We will see how that all pans out and what happens leading up to it, hopefully a little fun will be mixed in there somewhere to break up the routine. After graduation however, i have somewhat decided that i need to go on vacation to finally breath, reflect, find myself and maybe a little fun (perhaps some trouble, not to much...) somewhere. Hopefully i will be able to do this. I really emphasize the HOPEFULLY!! LOL I don't know... i am rambling! I am just so excited that it is getting so close that i can't contain myself! Alright i am going to stop here or really this will turn inot another rambling session... oops it already has!! LOL